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An open letter to Tim Cook, CEO of Apple

By on March 8, 2014 in IMHO with 2 Comments

Dear Tim Cook,

First, I must admit that I am a huge technology geek. I love all of the gadgets; the iPhone, the iPod, the iPad, the MacBook and the Apple TV. Yes, I am an ardent Apple enthusiast. I have been since my first Mac SE.  Apple products just work and they have always been right on the leading edge of innovation.

Lately though, Apple seems to be a bit stale in the area of new product development. Yea, I know that you’re coming up with the iWatch, but that seems so Dick Tracy passé. Considering all the great products that Apple has come up with and how they have made my life so much richer I feel like I should give back where I can. So Mr Cook, this is for you. Consider it a thank you present from me for all of your great products of yore. You may have my ideas free of charge with no strings attached. Just take them and run.

First, a bit of marketing points to lay the foundation for my groundbreaking ideas. The Baby Boomer generation makes up for about 26% of the entire population of the United States, not to mention the world. In the U.S. alone there are about 80 million of us, and we have money to burn! 78 million Americans who were 50 or older as of 2001 controlled 67% of the country’s wealth, or $28 trillion (U.S. Census and Federal Reserve). We have more money than the generations before and the generations after us. So Mr. Cook, instead of marketing toward all those young techies you’d be much better off focusing on us and our unique needs. But how? What do we want?

The iEar

what?The iEar? Yes, the iEar. Most of us Boomers destroyed our hearing by attending rock concerts from the greatest bands of all time. Yes, the hearing aid has been around for decades but … imagine a Wi-Fi hearing aid that is remotely charged, yet can provide the highest technology for amplifying sound while filtering out unwanted noise. The stigma of wearing hearing aids will be a thing of the past! The iEar will be a hearing aid, a fashion statement and a status symbol. It can be controlled remotely with your iPhone, iPad or iWatch. It will also be the digital brain and heart of the Apple iSensory System (ASS). You will be able to easily program it to filter out unwanted background noise AND unwanted voices!The Apple iEar

Who hasn’t endured the misery of the screaming baby directly behind you during a long plane flight, or the endless chatter, and coffee breath, of the passenger seated right beside you, as if you’re connected at the shoulder? Well, now imagine, silently gliding through the sky, with no engine noise, no crying baby and you turn toward the passenger sitting next to you only to see their lips moving and yet still, you’ll be able to clearly hear the velvet voice of that beautiful flight attendant inquiring whether you would care for another drink. Genius?

But there’s more. These iEar hearing aids will also be Wi-fi and Airplay compatible so you can listen to your favorite tunes or podcast, via any music app, in booming digital HD surround sound that is completely undetectable to anybody else.  Just imagine yourself in the middle of a the family Thanksgiving dinner where everybody is talking at once, yet you’ll be sitting there, laughing to the comedy of Lewis Black, and nobody will be the wiser. They’ll think that you are laughing with them … genius? Do I have your full attention now?

As you can see, the iEar would be a life-changing piece of technology for us Boomers. Well, Mr. Cook? Are you with me so far? Now, what would be the perfect complement to the iEar?

The iEye, of course!

Apple iEyeEyeglasses are a fact of life for most people over the age of 50. The iEye is the perfect accessory to your iEar. In fact, it too will wirelessly link to your iEar, which is wirelessly linked to your iPad, iPhone or iGlasses.The iEye will completely eliminate the need for glasses with dynamic, self-cleaning, contact lenses that have some very special features. The iEye will give you perfect vision PLUS a 2000x digital zoom. You will be able to see a gnat on the wall from 1/4 mile away. Amazing, yes? But that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

This amazing device will also be able to take pictures in 30 MP resolution and videotape in full 4320p Ultra HD, with a mere blink of the eye, and then share it with your friends on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter. Think of it as Google Glasses on steroids. It doesn’t stop there though. You will also be able to place it in over 100 different scenic and filtering modes including the enhanced infra-red mode, which essentially will give you x-ray vision. Think of the possibilities.

“I don’t know how to explain it Mom, but Bob has suddenly taken an extraordinary interest in live women’s collegiate volleyball and he has also signed up for a yoga class.”

a happy ieye userThe iEye will also deliver any video media via the internal Apple TV module. You will appear to be devoutly taking in the Sunday sermon, hand-in-hand with your wife, when in reality you will be on the 50 yard line in full 4320p Ultra HD TV. Praise the Lord!

And now for the iEye pièce de résistance. Have you ever been in that awkward situation where, while doing introductions, you suddenly draw a complete blank on somebody’s name? How embarrassing, especially if that person is your wife. Well, that scenario will be a thing of the past. The iEye will, via the iCloud, be able to access the most advanced facial recognition technology developed by the NSA and FBI. The iEye will instantaneously be able to match a face and then provide you with not just their name, but also a complete background history of any person that you should gaze upon. Imagine, mingling in a party;

“Why hello, Walter. How good to see you again. Tell me, how are your two daughters, Wendy and Melissa? … And has your Mother recovered from her hip replacement last August? Oh, and I should give you a heads up to renew your driver’s license, which is expiring in May.”

The iEar and the iEye, together, make up the Apple iSensory System (ASS), which no Boomer should be without.

Well, there you have it, Mr. Cook. I’ve done my part and now it’s your turn. Turn my dream into your dream. Let me help you place Apple back in the forefront of innovation where it belongs. My generation will thank you.

2 Reader Comments

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  1. Heidi says:

    Genius is right! I didn’t know I needed either, but I do now! They’re so … well … genius! Get on it Mr. Cook. ASS NOW!

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